It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
I would like to introduce you to Joe. Joe is in his late 20's, and served in Afghanistan. His story is too personal at this time to share, however thankfully he is open to shareing some of his experiences in dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
1) What does being on the offensive feels like?
more exciting than anything you will ever do in your entire life.
2) How I handle being on the offensive?
Like preparing your mind for jumping out of an airplane, you figure your probably gonna die, but it's going to be exciting.
3) Was it different adjusting to these feelings than anything else?
of course.
4) How can a mother help a child after trauma?
The most important thing a parent can do for their returning child is to be patient. It will be hard on everyone involved. But be patient, and be ready to listen. He or she may not want to talk about their experience. For me, I spent about 3 weeks thinking and rehearsing what I was going to say and how I was going to respond to questions I knew I was going to be asked. In the end I don't think that I talked about what went on at all. I tried very hard to give the impression that I was fine, that there weren't any demons lurking about in my conscience. But for the parents, the harsh reality is that your loving son or daughter who you worked so hard on raising and instilling morals and values now has to somehow find a balance between those values and the acts of war and aggression that they were part of.
5) what does one need from friends?
One of the hardest things for me to do when I returned was to reconnect with friends at all. One of the effects of PTSD is protectionism. To try and protect yourself from reliving loss by keeping people you care most about as far from the fallout as possible. The people I became friends with later on had only the vaguest sense about what I had done before I met them. As for the people I knew before, and my closest friends from childhood, I was terrified that they would think of me as a monster, and would think that I had changed. The same goes for friends as it does for parents. Be patient, be understanding. Try not to judge.
6)What helps a casualty feel normal again?
For myself, even growing up I always wanted to be a soldier, be a hero of some sort. By joining the army and going to war, it really seemed like I would get what I was seeking. In ancient china there were three curses of increasing severity. They are; 3rd, May you live in interesting times. 2nd, may you come to the attention of those in authority. And first and most severe of the curses; May you find what you are looking for.
I don't know that I will ever feel normal again.
7) How long does it take?
Couldn't say.
8) What differs from person to person?
Flashbacks, avoidance, Hyper-awareness, difficulty sleeping, anger, suicidal thoughts. All of those are the standard for survivors of PTSD, but the most difficult is the significant impairment in social settings and work settings.
9) As a Soldier how was it going back to normal life?
Going back to normal life after returning home was very difficult. It was overwhelming to see the day to day lives of my friends, or even strangers. Just getting used to not carrying a gun was difficult. I would leave my home to go to the grocery and panic half way down the street because I realized I had not brought a weapon with me. There was a comfort and simplicity to being at war that I have a hard time describing. The only worries I had were that I was armed and my kit was ready for any eventuality. Aside from that I was feed, had a place to sleep, and that was all I needed.
10) How do you cope with PTSD in your daily life?
It’s a bit of a roller coaster. Some days I am ready to jump out of bed and meet the problems of the world head on with excitement. Other days not so much. I try to exercise as much as possible and to go out into the world even if it's just to catch a movie or stroll through a book store. After a time of being out of the army, my kill reflex has been dulled quite a bit, so I am not so easy to lose my temper or become violent with minimal provocation.
13)What are your thoughts like? Are they focused or scattered?
For a long time my thoughts were very scattered. It was easy for me to just drift off mid conversation. But with time and practice I have managed to re-focus.
14)How do you feel about people now?
(I am not sure about the question.)
15)Do loud noises bother you?
Yes and no. If I am prepared for it, it is fine. but when I hear a car backfire or walk past a construction site, it can get my heart racing.
16)How has your experience changed the way you look at the world?
I hate religion, I hate politics. Both are a terrible scourge on the world. Both serve only people at the top who can benefit from them. I'd talk about that more, but safe to say I doubt you have enough room to print it.
17)What are you looking for in life?
Safety, security. Love, happiness. Same as everyone else.
18)What is the process of healing for a soldier?
For me it was difficult. The ones trying to help me were trying hard to convince me that I was not a murderer. If they had just seen what was right in front of them, it might have made things easier. The first step in the process was to admit to myself that I had a problem that I wasn't going to be able to handle on my own. After that it is an individual things. For some they can talk to a friend over a beer and come out the other end "cured" for others, it is not so simple. Therapy, medication, in-patient treatment. You name it. The bottom line for me is, as long as I still grieve the loss of my comrades, I know I am still human.
19)How are you taught to deal with your feelings in the military?
If you figure you need help, it is available.
20)What are the opportunities for recovery when you get out?
Veterans affairs does a bang up job of looking after veterans when they leave the service. The only catch is you have to be the one to ask for help. No one's going to assume anything on your behalf.
21)What services do you have access to, near you, do you have to pay for them?
Anything PTSD related is covered by the VA.
BATTLEMIND
RESILIENCE TRAINING
In the following article, I want to compare some opinions of "what" we believe the military is all about. This is a very sensitive subject, and some believe that the opinions in these articles are simply unrealistic. In no way is anyone discounting the experiences shared- simply the way they have been presented here, by the author.
I am looking forward to shareing them with you, as there have been some very thought provoking comments. The more awareness we can raise about PTSD, the more we can support healing.
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